Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
