I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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