i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
