I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
