i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
