If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
