We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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