I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
