As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
