the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
