Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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