Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize