so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
