wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
