***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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