You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize