it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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