Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He uses pillows to masturbate.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
