real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I skipped work to stalk him.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
