Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
