I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
