Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
