I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize