trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
