I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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