Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
