Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
where are my eyebrows?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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