operation harelip BJ is a go
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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