Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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