We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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