We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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