the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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