Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
