so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just googled if crying burns calories
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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