Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
