The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
