Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
