can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
