oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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