you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
