Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
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