Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
