Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
