Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
