All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
