Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize