All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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