singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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