I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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