a queef is a wish your heart makes.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
this will be a night to untag.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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