Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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