Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
