I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
