Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
