if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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