hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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