So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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