I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
