the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize