bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
