took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
