In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
