Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
