I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
