What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
