My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
