Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
