Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
