wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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