so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize
