I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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