the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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