when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
