Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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