I swear god or herbie drove my car home
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
