I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
